Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Soapy Operas.

Dictionary .com defines

soap

n.
  1. A cleansing agent, manufactured in bars, granules, flakes, or liquid form, made from a mixture of the sodium salts of various fatty acids of natural oils and fats.
  2. A metallic salt of a fatty acid, as of aluminum or iron.

o·pus
n. pl. o·pe·ra or o·pus·es
A creative work, especially a musical composition numbered to designate the order of a composer's works.

tor·ture

n.
    1. Infliction of severe physical pain as a means of punishment or coercion.
    2. An instrument or a method for inflicting such pain.
  1. Excruciating physical or mental pain; agony: the torture of waiting in suspense.
  2. Something causing severe pain or anguish.

Ofcourse it also define's soap opera as follows .....

soap opera

A radio or television serial with stock characters in domestic dramas that are noted for being sentimental and melodramatic.


Well, here is a secret, soap opera and torture are synonyms.


If there is one set of programs I absolutely hate, on television, they would be the soap operas telecast in these regional channels. John Baird must be churning in his grave if at all he knew how these soap operas have rendered his invention as the 'idiot' box.

If you were of the impression that the KK blah .. blah .. blah and Ekta's "masterpieces" were probably the worst kind of programs you can come across .... ah I have bad news in store for all you folks.

Welcome the the real world .

The soap operas telecast in channels, who have their viewer base predominantly south indian are much worse. These programs are telecast throughout the day, on those channels . The writers for all these soaps have ensured that the protagonists have involved in and belonged to all the "relationships" man has ever known. (Puns intended). Ah.... you were of the opinion,there can be no soap, with the protagonist being the daughter of a father's friend's second brothers relatives aunt, who is apparently an "angel", full time, ( It is convoluted ... but U get the point right :-)) ..... ha ... don't be disheartened .. there is a writer out there who is already scripting that very story.

With all this hatred you must even be wondering, how did i watch ( read survive) enough of those soaps to even be ranting against those. My dinner time apparently coincides with the "prime time" in these channels , a few days of the week. Sometimes I even spend some more time at office to avoid the clash with "prime time". These soap's always have some CRUEL villain or .... to make the story more interesting, villainesses and ever so ideal protagonists ... who seem to have dropped straight out of heaven.

The plots (I think these writers understand," plot" as " a secret plan for a hostile purpose") are insipid . ( Ok, that was an understatement). The characters ..... ah, less said the better. The story line ......whats that??!! Anytime the viewership drops, a character is brought alive with "divine" assistance. Sheesh and so many more such gems.

Capital punishment should be abolished. I agree. Instead,these criminals must be forced to watch these soaps back to back for a month ... no a week. Ofcourse, we would appear to be "humanitarian", as we have abolished Capital punishment, but the punishment what we have given these people is worse than what people were subjected too in concentration camps!

You don't believe me? Watch a couple of soaps telecast on these channels .....Well, don't come back complaining that i din't warn you. Watch it at your own risk :-)

12 comments:

senorita said...

ROTFL!!!!!!!!

i hv a title if u r planning to direct one of these so called SOAP OPERAS..."uska pati sirf mera hain" :D

and yeah dont forget to include the villainess who speaks to herself... :D

Amritha Varshini :) said...

DAMN GOOOOD... =))
but you forgot to give the credit to the music directors of such soaps for their screechy background music for each of the characters and also those makeups carried by the characters... eeeeeeks

PS: unfortunately even my dinner time clashes with this 'prime time' at times :(

Jay said...

@Senorita,
What? After all this ranting, me directing a soap!!? No way! Anyways' I guess that titlke would already be taken .
"Senorita", interesting name. I guess only a "niche" segment of people can use that title.

PS : No puns intended at "niche". Believe me! :-)

@Amrita,

Thanks. :-)
Actually, the music .. Oh.. should I call it that, does play an "essential " role in the plot! Yeah, I could go on ranting ....

PS: Misery loves company U know! :-)

Gangadhar said...

nice description here,Jay..
Well..I don't have much interest in watching soap operas!!
Btw thanx for linking my blog here..

Jay said...

@Gangadhar,

Thanks.

Pallavi said...

Ahh u really dont like soap opera's eh! I watch them when i have too much time on my hands...but i'd rather stay away from ....i would have to agree with you to most part. =)

first timeon ur site.. very nice:)

Jay said...

@Pallavi,

Ah ....not that I detest all soaps. But U shud watch some of those aired on television channels, that have been named after the closest star we know ... U would really wonder! :-)

Also, people constantly exposed to these "characters" , begin stereotyping "real" people which is pretty sad!

:-)

Vikram said...

Hahaha. Awesome post man. We share the same ideas.:)

Sayesha said...

Haha! I stopped watching the only soap I used to watch because the lead guy 'died' like three times and came back all three times! :D

Jay said...

@Vikram,

:-)

@ Sayesha,

Yeah ... Divine assistance is essential to these folks! :-)

Thanu said...

Hey Jay,
Never been a soap watcher. Long time ago, used to watch Shanti 9I mean really long time ago).

Question - when ppl get up from bed in the morning, their hair is all made and all the make up on their face...Do they go to bed like that?

Jay said...

#Thanu,

Lucky U! :-), that U dont watch soaps !

Yeah thats right .. also have u noticed the rich, cool and tech savvy CEO would be driving back home in an old amby and he uses rejected BSNL phones. SIGH!