Friday, March 09, 2007

Performance Appraisal : Explained

Many a times, we encounter this queer excercise called Performance Appraisal. Ever wondered, what are the meanings of some of the expressions used in that meeting?


Goal-Oriented (n): One needs to work towards a goal. Well, the goal here ... is to impress your manager!! Silly, not by your work, though!
Usage : X, you need to be more goal-oriented! We haven't completed the 20 man day's work, yet! Didn't we agree, we would finish it in 4 man days?


Focussed (n): To be the SPOC (single point of contact). Many folks, mistake this word to mean, to concentrate on their job! That's not true. I t means, you must be so effective that you make your manager *redundant* !! (Hint : Remember Focal point in Physics? Here, you must be that focal point as far as your project is concerned).
Usage: Y, is a focussed resource, he has seldom left office early. Wonder, why he keeps screaming, "SIX" and "four" now and then!

Learning (n) : The act, process, or experience of gaining knowledge or skill. In this case, it means your ability to cope with the fact that you have a bad rating. It means, extraordinary courage and grit, to accept the unfair!
Usage: You need to take this rating as a learning!


Proactive (adj): Acting in advance to deal with an expected difficulty; anticipatory. In this case, this word goes closely with clarivoyance. One needs to know, how to have conducted three more sessions on a topic, that never existed prior to two day before appraisal. Unfortunately, this would be communicated to you only when in the meeting! Tough luck folks, that's indeed a tough nut to crack!
Usage: You could have been proactive and have conducted a session on "Team Selection for 2011 World Cup". See, we are one spinner short already!

Visibility (n): The fact, state, or degree of being visible. Well, this should'nt be taken literally! Think of your self as a flight needing to take off when engulfed by a thick fog! Assume all your appraisers to be having an eye sight of -4. Now, do you see the picture? Good! If that's the case, assume what all pyro techniques you need to get their attention. Yeah .. Yeah .. thats the way!
Usage: WHOA! This guys spams my mailbox so many times! It sure is improving his visibility.


Key resource(n) : Well, you hold the key to the project. Remember, thats the only reason you are even valued. Give them an oppurtunity to duplicate you and that's the day you are sold! See, focussed above.
Usage: Ask, y, where he has placed the start button, to my computer! Oh it's at the bottom left side? Good! What would i do without you? You are my key resource!


Potential (adj) : Capable of being but not yet in existence; latent. Yeah, that clearly means ... you are around, but havent yet arrived. Keep tapping, wood pecker.
Usage: You have the potential to be the President of the India. Oh ..... you are just twenty five? Tsk. Tsk. You are too young for that post.


Responsibility (n): The state, quality, or fact of being responsible. Again, do not make the mistake of assuming this holds true for just your job! The scope of that word is more than that. It means to be responsible for your manager's job!!! Yeah, read focussed again!
Usage: He has handled multiple responsibilities. He can substitute four others!


Show Stopper (n): Yeah, quite literally. You need to stop the show, if you did not solve the same. Ah .. if you have resolved a few of those, during your last cycle, a recognition (?) maybe on your way! If you were the one who induced it .... "High five! Join the club of the Rest".
Usage: Resolve that quickly, thats indeed a show stopper! All the show i have put on till now .. will be dead and gone if that's not resolved!


Resource (n): Another shrimp in the sea. Read key resource and focussed, to get a life! Another dispensable element in your area of work!
Usage: He has the potential, a good resource.


Opputunity(n) : Chance. In this case, a reward. If its not the one you want, then you have wasted a gifted oppurtunity!
Usage: You want an assigment away from your country? You already had an oppurtunity to work on outdated technology here! Oh .. you think thats not good .... you have wasted a golden oppurtunity!

Maturity (n) : The state or quality of being fully grown or developed. Well, in this case, its consoling you! You have a bad rating because, you have nt yet matured in your role!
Usage: B, do not take this serioulsy. You have to mature in that rolel. Take this as a learning.


Well, there you are! Your guide to excellence in your organisation has been explained. Make the best use of the tips above and get successful.

9 comments:

Krishna said...

corporate jargon is weird eh..

Sawaastik said...

Simply wonderful

Ashwin said...

alsome!
You have all the "magical" words here! Next time, I gonna link your post in my appraisal form!

Avinash said...

whoa.. looks like u had a bad one this time.. :(

Kiran said...

somehow this reminds me of "girls"..dont they say one thing when they mean something else just like this?? [:D]

Jay said...

@Krishna,

True dude!

@sawaastik,
;)

@Avinash,
:-)

@Kiran,

More or less :D

Jay said...

@Ashwin,

:D

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